The “Kerning Killer” Strikes

NEW YORK — Visual designer, Riley Meyers, 28, was found dead in front of his laptop last night. His roommate discovered his body, and he told us, “I thought he was sleeping from too many late nights at work, but that’s when I noticed the blood all over the keyboard.”

Detectives found a note on the dismembered mouth of Riley, which read, “I am the Kerning Killer. May this be an example that poor kerning will not be tolerated. Kern correctly.”

Meyers was found with every other tooth in his mouth missing to symbolize his improper spacing of letters, which appears to be the Kerning Killer’s signature.

At this time, detectives have no leads or suspects — only questions.