Kerning Killer Caught

Posted on Mar 5, 2016

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BROOKLYN — The notoriously infamous “Kerning Killer” has been apprehended after being caught at the scene of their third victim. When the police arrived, the victim was already dead and the killer was in the process of displaying their note which read, “Feel the Kern.”

The Kerning Killer has targeted people with bad kerning skills for months and no one knew why — until now.

After interrogating the suspect, the killer’s motive was made clear. Police revealed at a press conference, “The Kerning Killer, real name, Mary Mozazzo, was a failed graphic designer who was forced to become a digital strategist. Her boss was verbally abusive to her and always screamed at her for bad kerning. It was this constant psychological abuse that pushed her to the limit.”

The design and typography communities have been on edge fearing for their lives. However, now that the Kerning Killer is behind bars, they can design worry-free knowing that sloppy kerning will only cost them their job — and not their life.

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